Nicholas Cage, Academy Award Winner...

I couldn't help but escape one important thought on Friday afternoon — I hope the first movie you see doesn't set the tone for the year. Because if it does, then 2011 is going to be hard to watch.

On Friday, the seventh day of 2011, I finally broke the seal on my theater-going exploits for the new year. I broke that seal with the first major wide release of 2011 — "Season of the Witch." Going in I figured the movie would be poor. It was, surpassing my previous expectations in new ways.

I came away with — literally — a blinding migraine and one more reason to think that Nicholas Cage should have to give his Academy Award back. I mean, seriously, he can't trade on the prestige of an Academy Award to sell a film like "Season of the Witch," it's just criminal.

Cage has delivered some good performances and been in some interesting films... just not recently. Cage won his Academy Award — for Best Actor — way back in 1995 for a memorable performance as an alcoholic who went to Las Vegas to drink himself to death and forms a friendship/love bond with a down-on-her-luck prostitute with a heart of gold (Elizabeth Shue). The film was called "Leaving Las Vegas," and I wouldn't recommend it to kids or anyone looking for a laugh, but Cage does a nice job in the film.

Lately, it's hard to tell what his ultimate goal is in his film choices, unless it's simply for a paycheck. "Season of the Witch" has to be a paycheck movie, there's just no other reason to explain it.

The film is an odd mixture of the Salem Witch Trials, the Crusades, the Black Plague, and "In The Name of the Rose." If that sounds like a hideous mix, trust me it's worse than you imagined. Even if the story was ridiculous and the film wasn't strongly anti-Catholic and anti-Christian, and anti-organized religion (I'd add anti-hygiene products, but for the time period that goes without saying), it would be offensive. The acting is marginal, at best, the story is ridiculous, boring, and hard to follow — quite a feat for a 98 minute film. It's like they took a C- idea and gave a D- effort.

Every actor is forgiven a few slip ups — they can't all be winners. George Clooney gave us "Batman and Robin" and "Solaris," but he also gave us "Up In the Air" and a lot of charity work. But this kind of horrendous project choice is par for the course with Cage.

In the last five years, Cage has given the world such cinematic treasures as "Next," "The Wicker Man," "Ghost Rider," "Bangkok Dangers," and "Knowing." And, right now he's filming a sequel to the hideous "Ghost Rider" film. Just what the world needs, a ridiculous franchise!

Now, in all fairness, Cage has mixed in a few decent treasures ("National Treasure," "Matchstick Men," and "Adaptation"), but that's not enough to make you forget about "Lord of War," "Snake Eyes," or "The Weather Man."

Given that spotty track record, is it too much to ask that Cage at least be barred from referring to himself as an Academy Award winner? I don't think it is.