The threat to marriage

"One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry." -Oscar Wilde

Christians spend a lot of time trying to uphold traditional marriage and defend it. There have been many bills in many states in recent years about the defense of marriage. Most often, these attempts are to prevent perversions of God's plan for marriage, including among same sex couples or polygamists. And to be sure, that is something worth standing up and fighting for.

But I think a larger threat is the idea of marriage itself, which has been under attack for some time. Just two weeks ago, two different shows aired on the same night that sought to depict what it means to be in a modern marriage. In both cases the shows center on heterosexual couples who've been married for several years, have stable homes, and are raising children. And in both shows they are bored and miserable.

In "Satisfaction," the couple re-ignites the flame of their marriage by being with a male escort and the husband moonlighting as a male escort. Their sexual needs fulfilled with others, both are able to admirably perform their duties in the home. In "Married," a sitcom, the spark has long since died between the couples. The husband takes care of his own needs, and even attempts to find a mistress at the prompting of his wife. They're partners in paying bills and raising kids, and at times it seems the barely tolerate one another.

This, you might think, has to be uncommon. It's not. Most depictions of marriage in our culture go along this route. Love stories are about coupling, but when marriage is depicted it's about a lack of romance, annoyance, and exercises in tolerance.

When we see God's depiction and plan for marriage, we see something else. Yet the world consistently paints marriage as a shackle that dooms romance. Why is this? Worse yet, why do Christians spend so much time fighting about who should have the right to get married and no time fighting to show people that marriage is something beautiful to aspire to?

The real threat to marriage isn't the people getting married, it's the idea that marriage is a sentence. Don't believe me?

On July 22, The Huffington Post ran an article about the decline in marriage rates. In 1920, 92.3 percent of people were married. Less than 100 years later, the marriage rate has declined to just 31.1 percent. That means out of 100 single women and men, just 31 got married this year. And that includes same sex couples.

Think on that number for a minute. In addition, people are waiting longer to get married. The average age for marriage among women is no 27-years-old, the highest it's been in more than a century. Marriage is no longer the norm or something to aspire to, it's only something we fight about and then resent, or that's the message in culture.

Meanwhile, the rate of cohabitation - of those living together who are unmarried - continues to rise. In other words, people are still coupling and trying to share their lives together, they're just forgoing marriage. Why?

The simplest answer lies in our cultural perceptions. If marriage leads to you referring to your spouse as "the old ball and chain," and it marks the end of your romance, why bother? This is now a common sentiment expressed among younger generations, like mine.

Little girls might still grow up dreaming of their wedding day, but many are figuring it's not worth it if you have to put up with all that accompanies marriage. And that's sad.

Marriage was meant as a sacred and beautiful thing, a way God gave us to make two into one. I have been married for a little over two years, and my favorite part is having someone to share and build a life with. Someone to love, and who loves me. Someone who supports me, and who I in turn cherish. That is the depiction of marriage that we should see, but we don't.

I don't have a problem with fighting to defend a traditional view of marriage, I just think Christians should spend some time making sure marriage is seen as something worth fighting for.