How to Spot a Turkey

This week the movie "Skyline" opens. You probably don't know that much about it — and that's by design. The ads have been nebulous, the trailer was inconclusive, and the producers decided not to screen it for critics.

And there's a reason for that. It's a total turkey. Take it from me and don't let yourself suffer through it.

But that got me to thinking, how do you spot these terrible films before stepping into the theater. I came up with three ways to know if you're about to head into some depressing film territory.

1. The film isn't screened for critics. This isn't a total kiss of death, but it's never a good sign. Usually it means the producers think they'll get a terrible review and they want to get as many viewers (suckers) as possible on opening weekend. Some good films didn't get screened pre-release, but those are the diamonds in the rough.

2. The trailer doesn't tell you anything. This was a dead giveaway for "Skyline." Watch the theatrical trailer. It's all news reel footage, a couple effects shots, and some screaming. You don't even know who's going to be in the thing. If they don't want to show you any actual acting footage (some did appear in brief glimpses in TV spots, but come on), that's not a good sign.

3. The cast is composed of lesser known TV stars. That is never a good sign. If you look at a film and it has three or four people you kind of recognize from supporting roles on TV and one person you definitely know from a cancelled sitcom, run. Don't walk, run. That composition is even worse than a cast of unknowns.

"Skyline" registered a perfect 3-for-3. The cast included Sgt. Bautista from "Dexter," one of the twins from "Sweet Valley High," Eric Balfour, who has been in too many crap shows to count, and Scottie Thompson, who pops up all the time in guest roles but is never a series regular. Then they had Dr. Turk from Scrubs. Like I said, run.