Vulnerability in Grief

This week we continued our series on grief, thinking about how to respond during those vulnerable periods of grief. That got me to thinking some of the negative impulses we're prone to give in to during those periods of grief.

Recently my brother-in-law visited and watched a movie out of my collection, "The Kingdom." When the film was released, it was a favorite of mine that year. I still really like it, but there is a moment at the end that gives me pause when I consider what it means for the state of the world.

The film begins with an American compound housing oil field workers being bombed by terrorists in Saudi Arabia. Among those killed is an FBI agent stationed there, played by Kyle Chandler. When news of the attack, and the death of their colleague, reaches agents in America, they are grief stricken. A young agent played by Jennifer Garner begins to sob during the meeting on hearing the news of the death of her friend. The lead agent, played by Jamie Foxx, goes over and whispers something to her.

Later, their team gets to Saudi Arabia, tracks down the terrorist leader and his cell, and wipes them out. But that's not where the movie ends. It ends with an interesting and sad juxtaposition. The grandson of the slain terrorist leader sits in Saudi Arabia, shaken. His grandmother sits beside him and says, "Don't worry, some day you will kill them all." An obvious reference to Americans.

Meanwhile, back in Washington, D.C. another member of the team, played by Jason Bateman, asks Foxx what he said to Garner in her grief to get her to stop crying. Foxx replies cooly, "I said don't worry, we're going to go over there and kill them all." In a place of grief, both turned to thoughts of violence and vengeance. It was a powerful ending because f that, and one that led to some consideration of the cycle of violence we get stuck in as a society.

But violence is just one of the ways the evil one preys on us during times of grief. Psychologists have found people are more likely to start destructive affairs in the midst of grief. People are often advised not to make big life decisions during those periods too.

That is a lesson of "The Godfather." Michael Corleone wants to live a life free of the family business, which is a criminal enterprise. He is determined to go his own path — until his father is shot. In his grief and anger, Michael makes a decision that protecting his father and his family matter more than living a noble life. He chooses, in a moment of grief, to go down a path from which he can never turn. It is a slippery slope — a foothold — used to pull him toward his darker nature.

A similar thing could be said of "Homeland." The central character, Sgt. Nicholas Brody, forms a bond with a terrorists' son. Thinking he will never be free, that boy becomes his whole world. When that boy is killed during a failed U.S. drone strike, the grief he feels at that loss is enough to convince him to betray his country, his beliefs, and his ideals. It's a powerful example of the vulnerability we feel in times of grief.

That is why, during those times, it's even more important to lean into God and to the wise counsel of those God puts in our lives.